Belated Predictions for 2014

250px-Steve_Jobs_Headshot_2010-CROPby Paul Krassner, Investigative Satirist for Abakus Magazine.

*Steve Jobs, the late founder and chief designer of the Apple Empire, will be honored posthumously by the Wall Street Journal for morphing the concept of planned obsolescence from a negative aspect of capitalism into a shrewd marketing virtue.

*Toddlers who can turn the pages of an electronic magazine on iPad with the swipe of a finger will get frustrated and have tantrums trying to turn the pages of a physical print magazine.

*Millennials will enjoy watching Avatar on their iPhones.

*Google’s chief executive, Larry Page, will retract his prognostication that “Eventually you’ll have an implant, where you think about a fact, it will just tell you the answer.”

*Jeff Bezos, who is now the owner of both Amazon.com and the Washington Post, will arrange for subscribers to pay extra for having their copies of the Post delivered by drones.

*Chelsea Manning –- formerly Bradley Manning –- will escape from prison with the aid of wealthy supporters. She will be flown to Russia, staying with fellow whistle-blower Edward Snowden until she finds a place of her own. However, Vladimir Putin will interfere with Manning’s asylum, threatening to throw him out. But Manning’s attorneys will then convince President Putin that, since Manning is of the transgender persuasion, having intercourse with a male individual would legally be considered a heterosexual act.

To read the rest you’ll have to get the debut issue of Abakus. Meanwhile, please feel free to check out this brilliant autobiography.

confess Confessions of a Raving, Unconfined Nut:
Misadventures in the Counterculture

by Paul Krassner

New Expanded Edition including Extra chapter:
“Bloopers & Outtakes: The Parts Left Out of This Book”

Available at paulkrassner.com

“I have been a fan of his since I was a snot-nosed kid, and his words have been a driving force and influence on my life. If you have read his work before, you know the joys that you are in for. If you haven’t, start reading, and consider this your lucky day. For Paul Krassner is an activist, a philosopher, a lunatic and a saint, but most of all he is funny.”
— Lewis Black

“Krassner has the uncanny ability to alter your perceptions permanently.”
— Los Angeles Times

“Wickedly funny… Chillingly funny… A convincing look at a man who knows how to wield absurdity.”
— San Francisco Chronicle

“Krassner is one of the best minds of his generation to be destroyed by madness, starving, hysterical, naked — but mainly hysterical. His true wacky, wackily true autobiography is the definitive book on the sixties.”
— Art Spiegelman

“Paul¹s own writing, in particular, seemed daring and adventurous to me; it took big chances and made important arguments in relentlessly funny ways. I felt, down deep, that maybe I had some of that in me, too; that maybe I could be using my skills to better express my beliefs. The Realistwas the inspiration that kept pushing me to the next level; there was no way I could continue reading it and remain the same.”
— George Carlin

“He is an expert at ferreting out hypocrisy and absurdism from the more solemn crannies of American culture.”
— New York Times

“Krassner lives in a world where Truth and Satire are swingers, changing partners so often you never know who belongs with whom.”
— Playboy

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